GREEN

i have a habit of not finishing my art work. the only time i've ever completed a piece is in class when i have to. the day finally came. i finished a canvas! 

voila! 

IG: @crtnywng

i painted the stripes in watercolour as the base a while back and later added the "GREEN" and the trees at the bottom with an oil paint. when i came up with the concept i thought this would be enough but looking at it, i then knew it wasn't. i set aside the piece and let it dry for weeks, unsure of what i had to do to make it look right. i'd been seeing a lot more basquiat online and decided i wanted to incorporate words the way he did. instead of using words all over, i chose to write a poem for the top section. i wrote several poems but none of them seemed to work for this specific piece. one night, i stared at the canvas for a while and repeating the word "green" over and over in my head. that's when the above flowed out. i typed it out as quick as i could in my notes, in case i forgot. the next day, i defined the trees, outlined the lettering and wrote out the poem all in sharpie. when i was done, i felt a feeling i'd never felt before. it was a good feeling. indescribable. i was proud of myself so left it out in my room so i could admire it at any time. my mum walked in and examined. i was nervous. although she knows i love art and creating, she's never discussed it with me or really complimented my work before. this time, she said she loved it and wanted to display it. i said she could have it to hang in her living room, where any guests could see it. i thought i'd felt good before, just for completing something but to have my mum's approval felt even better. i guess it's like the adult equivalent of coming home from school and having her stick your painting to the fridge. i'm rambling now... so i'll close this with letting you know that this is the first but not the last colour themed piece. i plan to have a full collection completed by the end of the year. 

thank you for reading.

bases

what my room is looking like right now...

progress

finally decided to put my sketches on canvas. 

"feeling blue, feeling used"

#wip

currently working on a collection of body image pieces inspired by plus size women

number one

number two

number three

number four

number five

venting session

he made me the person i am today. 


but remained the person he was yesterday. 








i loved when he talked life. 

not the fairy tale life, real life. 

it's a beautiful experience to love an artist. 

but sometimes the art doesn't really reflect the person who painted it.

i like honest art. 

i loved his honest art. 

but his honest art only told the good parts. 

his honest art never told the story of his dark heart. 



it was the type of love that is real good when it's real good. 

the type of love that is real bad when it's real bad. 

eventually the bad outweighed the good. 

it wasn't just him. 

i'll take some of the blame. 

but i refuse to take it all. 

i will not hate myself for his mistakes.

just like he couldn't love me for mine. 




i'm still so deep in love. 

and i always will be. 

it's too late to turn back. 

because i always thought we could get back. 

back to how we were in the beginning. 

when it was just you and me. 

and the other one didn't matter. 

i loved you and only you. 

but you fell for any pink matter. 




now i think back, maybe he wasn't the one who influenced my life now. 

many people had gave me the same advice before.

but he meant something to me. 

so what he said meant something to me. 




anyway, i just wanted to vent. 

i just wanted to let you know i'm a better person now. 

i'm happier. 

because you no longer control my happiness. 

i hope you see this. 

and i hope you feel bad. 

because you wrecked me. 

and i hope you feel proud. 

because i pieced me back together.

we

what are we? 

you have someone else. 

so what are we?

because you still want me.  

tell me what are we?

i love you. 

and you say you love me. 

i can see it in your eyes. 

you do. 

but you love her too. 

until you are free,

i'm afraid we can't be. 

until you are all for me,

there can be no we. 

weak

my eyes are red

but i haven't been smoking

i even went to bed

i do believe i'm just broken

they won't stop

by they i mean the tears

as each one drops

another thought in my head clears

sometimes it's good to release them

whether alone or with company

even if some do not condemn

they are nothing more than somebody

somebody who does not care

is somebody who does not matter

so ignore their evil glare

it's ok to shatter

fantasy

i focus on fantasies because in reality i'm afraid of rejection

i couldn't face being told you don't feel the same affection

an unrequited love i shall suffer from

how could I have been this dumb?

i've let it happen again

attached myself to a distorted reality

the side effects of the cocaine

have led me away from normality

they say falling in love is like smoking crack

and once you've started you can't go back

i've come to realise that for myself

this one doesn't have time for anyone but himself

i'll give it some time

i'll eventually recover

when i reach my prime

i will find the right significant other

a broken flower

inspired by [shifrø - best one yet]